YOLO
I started writing a blog post yesterday as I was all scrambled and in a funk (again 🙄) but it looks like it hasn’t saved. Probs for the best if I’m honest cos I spent most of the evening randomly crying and like the world owed me one. Good news is I’m over it now and today had been productive.
Nuke vs Chop
So, on Friday I had my appointment with the Thoracic surgeon to see what my options were. When I was in the waiting room the Dr asked if he minding if I was assessed by his junior as he wanted him to present my case to him. Ermm oookay. So I went through everything with this doctor and then he had to go find the consultant to bring him in. It was like he was off to find his dad! He was wondering round asking everyone where his consultant was while we sat there proper awks. It then got even more awks when the consultant came in and sat next to me and he got the other doctor to ‘present’ me. It was like the poor man was on a shit version of dragons den with the consultant asking me if the other had missed any details and what I thought.
We got through it (and the dr survived a grilling about me) and they advised they recommend surgery to remove the part of my rib that has the tumour (6th rib on the right). Apparently it’s easy and they just have to slice me open near my shoulder blade, get through the muscles and then chop the dodgy bit of rib out with a tool that’s like a cigar cutter. Yep sounds really easy 👍. I’ll then have a drain in the wound for a bit and possibly one from my lung if they manage to nick the lining to my chest/lungs (sound 👍).
I’m guessing at this point you’re all thinking why the F are you not just having radiotherapy instead?! The simple answer is that I just want the cancer OUT OF MY GODDAM BODY.
They also mentioned rib fractures are a risk with the radiotherapy nuking and the thought of it constantly bugging me and been an issue put me off (if you’ve had a broken rib before, you’ll get it - they chuffin hurt!!). So I’m thinking short term pain, long term gain here.
3 weeks to gooooo
They booked me in for surgery whilst I was there, and so the lurker is getting evicted on the 28th October. Which is 3 weeks tomorrow eeeek! 😬. Since we booked it in I realised I’d got a few fun things planned at the beginning of November and tried to get a later date but it hasn’t happened so I’m just gonna have to deal with it. One of my managers at work has nominated me for an award at work and the awards ceremony is on the 7th Nov, so I need to find a huge back scar friendly dress and get myself glammed up. I’m not gonna miss a jazzy night out if I can help it! It’s not everyday you get invited to these things is it! (Well not in my glamorous NHS job anyways 🤣). I’ll share the email I got, not because I think I’m anything special but it made me smile 😊 and it’s always nice to feel appreciated isn’t it?!
Always chasing waterfalls
After last weeks drama with getting test results I just wanted to get away and get some fresh air and see some waterfalls. I am easily pleased! So we booked a last minute cheap travelodge and went to see Aysgarth Falls which are lush. The cheap travelodge did not deliver though, well it did just not what we wanted 🤮. We opened the door and the previous occupant had very clearly dropped a curry on the floor as it absolutely stank and you could still see it. Not only that, but you could also see where someone had sat on the chairs in the room and left behind a little mark shall we say (💩). Ryan also went to the loo and when he washed his hands he dried them on a towel and realised it was wet… and left from said occupant. YUK YUK YUK. It was a big fat nope from me and we very quickly vacated and found the coolest Air BnB ever (pics in a min). We then had a lovely few nights in Barnard Castle and went to see another waterfall - high force which was awesome. I love being outside and there’s nothing better than a walk and a waterfall in my opinion.
The bit that scrambled me
After all that loveliness and a cheeky Sunday shift at work, I had an oncology appointment on Monday. We got my HER2 result late last week and so now had everything to make a proper plan. Or so I thought. I saw a different oncologist to last time (whyyy do they do this?! This gal needs consistency) and instead of mapping everything out and telling me when I’d be starting the immunotherapy (CDK4/6 inhibitors) he just said “I’ll see you in December when you’ve healed from surgery and we MIGHT change your meds but we MIGHT just leave it and monitor you to see what else happens” Errmmm nope Mr Oncologist. I do not want F*ck about and find out thank you very much. I don’t want to wait til I’ve got more tumours before doing something about it. I understand that they wouldn’t want to start with the other drugs still after surgery as they make you immunocompromised (kill your immune system) which would be a big risk for infection after surgery. But I don’t understand the rest of the thinking. He basically said we can keep you on your current treatment and see what happens or we could put you on another treatment but you would be ‘using an option’ and there are the associated side effects and appointments.
I came out and burst into tears once I’d got into the corridor. I feel like I can’t win either way and wanted more of a recommendation of what is best in my type of cancer but instead it was all back on me (although I also understand my choice plays a big part in all of this). So maybe you can see why this scrambled me. If I stay on my current treatment, would I forgive myself if it came back soon?! If I changed treatment would I feel resentment that I’ve chosen to do it and so the side effects and disruption are my own fault too. Blaaahhhhhh it’s a f*cking lot to process!
3 weeks of fun stuff
Anyways, regardless of that mindf*ck in my head, I’ve got 3 weeks to have as much fun as possible before things change for the foreseeable. I’m booking everyone in and I’m hoping to go indoor skydiving with some of the school/rugby mums (cos that’s totally normal right?!). My friends Lisa & Liv have already made me check if I should be doing that but I’m in YOLO mode at the moment (do people even say YOLO anymore?! Deffo showing im over 30 here) because I know not gonna be able to do stuff like that for a while (if ever really with a chunk of rib out - who knows 🤷♀️)
Love,
Kirst xx
P.s October is Breast Cancer Awareness month so please check your boobs! 🩷
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